The Courage To Be Disliked- Learnings!

                                       

      

I would like to share my learnings from the book- "The Courage To Be Disliked" written by Japanese authors: Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. It is a Japanese analysis of psychologist Alfred Adler, who established that happiness lies in the hands of each human individual and does not depend on past traumas. 

It's a story of a sad person, who goes to a scholar for guidance to be happy and is learned that his happiness is in our own hands. The Courage To Be Disliked educates us that we are in charge of our happiness and that past events have no correlation with our future. 

Here are my favorites learnings from the book:

A) It’s obsolete to believe that your past determines your future. Many times, we dwell on the past and miss the wonderful moments of the present. Always remember that your past can only tame you in the present if you allow it. However, learn from your past and understand that your present events are going to determine your future. 

B) If you focus on what’s wrong with you, you might be looking for reasons to hate yourself on purpose. Give a thought to this - "What other people think when they see your face, is the task of other people and is not something you have any control over".

C) Most of what we think of as competition is just made up and hurts our happiness. There’s enough to go around for everyone and as long as you work on yourself, you can achieve anything you want. That's why practicing "Gratitude" works like a magic!

D) Admitting Fault is Not Defeat. Admitting mistakes, conveying words of apology, and stepping down from power struggles — none of these things are defeat.

E) The courage to be "happy" includes the courage to be "disliked" – when you have gained that courage, your interpersonal relationships will all at once change into things of lightness.

F) We should not pay attention to other people's thoughts about us. If we seek validation from other people, then we become their followers and do as per others' expectations. It's always wise to understand this crux and do as per our own will, be our own cheerleaders, and stay happy as a leader, instead of becoming followers.

G) Don't get into power struggles. Always stay away from these kinds of arguments, basically, they are the outcome of proving superiority. If you both lose control of your emotions and get angry then this will lead to a big fight. Even if you win this argument then also the other person would retaliate in some other time, place, or form. Better to focus on your thoughts, and not indulge in any kind of provocations. 

IMP Points:

1. No experience is a cause of success or failure.”—Alfred Adler
   
   
2. The most important thing is to stop hating yourself. As per Ichiro Kishimi- “You are the only one who can change yourself.”
   
   
3. Always know that comparison of yourself with others is going to cost you mentally, you feel unworthy and become guilt trapped. The best thing we can do is to concentrate on ourselves, and our strengths and improve every day.
   
   
4. The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked. When you have gained that courage, your interpersonal relationships will all at once change into things of lightness.
   
   
5. No experience is in itself a cause of our success or failure. We do not suffer from the shock of our experiences—the so-called trauma—but instead we make out of them whatever suits our purposes. We are not determined by our experiences, but the meaning we give them is self-determining.